Appendix 1N; The Push Pull Reality of Change
To overcome any bad habit, you need to be aware of the push-pull tension that accompanies change. Instead of being pulled forward into the change cycle to reach your goal of a new normal, you can let old, comfortable, bad habits push you back into unhealthy behaviors. The feeling that draws you back to your old habits is from the ease and familiarity of your comfort zone. The habits of your comfort zone (your old behavior) are efficient and comfortable but when you want to change, you have to fight through these feelings so you persist through the skill development of new habits. This struggle is labeled the “push-pull reality" and is present in EVERY man and woman who has a desire to change patterns in thinking or behavior. This feeling is different from and should not be mislabeled as anxiety. It is this struggle that is responsible for the temporary* feeling of performance tension generated from the learning process.
The push-pull reality is temporary because it is only present during the learning phase; the time between learning a new skill (phase 2) and making it an unconscious habit (phase 4). Phase 1 of the learning process is your desire/motivation to reach a goal - a pull towards something that kick starts the change process and pulls you through it (motivates you to persist). Performance tension causes a brief drop in confidence as you build the necessary skills and this uncomfortable feeling is the stimuli which tempts you to quit and return back to your previous state. This desire to return to what you are comfortable at keeps you stuck in the past and stunts your growth (2 Peter 2:22).
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Consider reading Appendix 1C, Appendix 1K, Appendix 1L and Appendix 20 for an in-depth look at how an inaccurate view of self sabotages your progress.
Applied to unhealthy addictions means that you'll struggle most with relapses during phase three of the learning process. Learning to persist through the tension of biological, psychological and social change keeps anxiety at bay and prevents relapses. The Holy Spirit is the power source you need to master the art of learning, resilience and endurance. Reliance on His strength equips you for victory over bad habits.
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Read more about the four phases of learning in Appendix 1F.
As a new person in Christ, change is constant. You are being pulled forward by the Holy Spirit toward new, Godly habits which is a constant state of learning for a Christian. The truth of the Word of God is our Spiritual food - sustainable when eaten daily (John 17:3, 17:17, Matthew 4:4, https://www.gotquestions.org/spiritual-food.html). Over time and with continued practice, these Godly habits will be second-nature and will become your NEW comfort zone, one in which you say “no” to old triggers and “yes” to the new Godly ones (Galatians 6:7-8, Hebrews 4:12, 2 Peter 1:3-4). (Triggers are anything that reminds you to go back to your OLD comfort zone.) You know you have become dependent upon the Triune God when you ask Him to fill you with the power of the Holy Spirit to pull you up to reach these new healthy habits (Luke 11:13, 2 Corinthians 12:8-10, 1 Corinthians 10:13).
Fight the triggers that will push you back into an old habit. A decision of your will is what is needed to recruit the Hoy Spirit’s power to pull you towards a new normal in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). Change the way you think about it!
Use a God-centered perspective.
The tension felt as as result of saying no to temptation and yes to learning new habits is most intense the first time you decide to do it. Each time thereafter, the intensity of learning something new lessens and eventually dissolves
as it becomes become part of your regular routine, your new normal. However, any interruption of the practice of these new normal habits will bring back the tension and the resulting cognitive dissonance along with it (Proverbs 26:11).
Will you pull through the tense feeling associated with change to attain the skill necessary to reach your recovery goal or will you change your goal and allow yourself to be pushed back into your old comfort zone so you can relieve the temporary discomfort that is associated with performance tension? (For example; do you trade moral values to achieve a tension free life? Do you choose people-pleasing over speaking the truth in love?)
Learning to implement value based decision-making is pivotal to your recovery. When faced with a choice, be aware of the push-pull reality so you can intentionally decide to move away from old habits and you use the energy from your goal (motivation) to prompt you to enter the change process. As a Christian, this choice activates the Holy Spirit in you (1 Corinthians 10:13). The decision is yours. Choose to fight the feeling of being pushed back to your comfort zone and, instead, persist through the learning curve and be pulled up to you new normal.
Watch the music video for the song “Stand” by Britt Nicole for the inspiration @