Appendix 2N; Trade Independence for Intimacy
A cycle of independence is a continuous state for humans until the acceptance of God’s love and sovereignty breaks in. The trust and vulnerability you develop in a relationship with the Triune God changes your relationships with others. Secure, authentic, humble individuals form intimate relationships with others that encourage a contagious cycle of compassionate acts promoting peace and unity while in pursuit of the great commission (Proverbs 29:25, 1 Peter 3:8, Luke 24:49, Matthew 28:18-20, John 14:26, Acts 1:8, Ephesians 4).
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D
Use your free will to make the decision to love God and to live inside the boundaries of love because of Love Himself (see more at Appendix 2H and Appendix 1 G). God’s love inspires like behavior (2 Corinthians 5:14-15, see Appendix 2U). When you trust God, His trustworthiness is proven and provokes feelings of love and security. From that point on, as a new person in Christ, you will be able to develop authentic relationships free from fear and free from the desire to always have to be right or in control. Let God’s electric love break through so you can make the intentional choice to be transparent and ShinE ; eternal excellence (E ) expressed on earth, D(A+B) = C ! As a Christian, you gain a healthy psychosocial balance when you adjust your view to accept and adapt to the objective truths from God’s Word and learn to trust Him as you implement His truths into your behavior as you interact with others. This keeps you both biologically and psychologically grounded on sound, objective thinking strategies while giving and receiving love - unconditionally (2 Corinthians 10:4-6, Ephesians 4:13-14, 2 Timothy 1:13, 4:2-4, James 1:6).
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Read about the Good Samaritan's example of implementing Colossians 3:12-15 and Isaiah 54:10.
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The Bible warns about pride shading your perspective and skewing the implementation of love (Proverbs 12:15, 16:18, 1 Peter 5:6-7, Galatians 6:4). Pride, a tool used to control or dominate, brings unanticipated consequences, by interrupting the flow of love and intimacy in a relationship. Sometimes false pride emerges from a fear of embarrassment or shame. Some people who are prideful are just imitating their parent's way of handling life. Others truly believe that they are so perfectly superior that they have nothing more to learn from anyone else; an example of an “unconscious, unconscious” who doesn't practice life-long learning (Appendix 1F). Still others may be struggling with the identity crisis that hides feelings of inadequacy or low self-worth with false pride which blocks the flow of love. Healthy love within relationships cannot form in the absence of God driven self- assurance and a willingness to trust. Vulnerability is essential for a relationship to thrive. Prideful people are fearful of taking emotional risks. They seldom make good friends because they trust no one but themselves and are not able to establish the emotional intimacy needed to form lasting relationships (1 Corinthians 13:4).
Instead of relying on a dependent relationship with God to learn intentional love as a response to stimuli, the independent person relies on their own strength to respond in a way that seems best to themselves (Romans 12:3, Galatians 6:3, Proverbs 26:12, revisit Appendix 1I on the cycle of sin). This thinking lends itself into a control-based mentality that is hyper-active. In other words, the body’s stress release hormone, called cortisol, is triggered on a regular basis instead of being used as it was designed (to sporadically carry out your survival instinct referred to as the “flight or fight” response). Without a standard of truth, relative thinking becomes your “standard” and gives way to prideful, self-reliant behavior that becomes a cycle - leaving you stuck in a hyper-state because of the overuse of the cortisol hormone. The fear generated from the painful consequences of the hyper-focus on self-protection eventually shatters your illusion of control. Only knowing and acting on truth from God’s Word can prevent this subjective, irrational thinking that skews reality and rejects trusting others which eventually leaves you alone, paralyzed by fear and stuck in your comfort zone, denying a need to change.
A person filled with false pride may want to take the free gift of salvation offered by God (Jesus as Savior) but refuses to accept Jesus as Lord too, because, in their thinking, such acceptance would mean trading independence and self-absorption for humble submission and service to others. The truth that God is the boundary-maker and the One in control, the truth that Christ takes away your shame and fear when you fail, and the truth that the Holy Spirit inspires positive change in your life--these truths only become real to prideful people when God’s love breaks into their cycle of independence. If you suffer from false pride, don’t wait until your dominating, know-it-all self is angry, empty, weak, and distraught. Many times the breakthrough is only possible when the prideful person is at an extremely low point of inability, emptiness, fear and/or dysfunctional behavior.
Self-sacrificing love is a dominate trait in the God-head and one that is a core trait in Christianity (motivated by humility and gratitude).
Admit your need for God, your Higher Power, who loves you unconditionally. Read Philippians 2:6-18 below to see how Paul describes Christ's self-sacrificing love (cumulating in death on the cross) as an outpouring of His humble and submissive attitude demonstrated by obedient behavior to God's standards so He could accomplished the will of His father (perspective shift). Paul uses this example to encourage all Christians to let the love of God transformed you from the inside out. This is how you too can look like love! (However, the perfection of Christ is not the goal; it's your willingness, your intent, that matters to God, a Spiritual Being.)
Love ShinE s brightly in both attitude and behavior when you express compassion (Philippians 2:5-18);
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Attitude:
5 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.
6 Though he was God,
he did not think of equality with God
as something to cling to.
7 Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;
he took the humble position of a slave
and was born as a human being.
When he appeared in human form,
8 he humbled himself in obedience to God
and died a criminal’s death on a cross.
9 Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor
and gave him the name above all other names,
10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11 and every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
Behavior:
12 Dear friends, you always followed my instructions when I was with you. And now that I am away, it is even more important. Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. 13 For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. 14 Do everything without complaining and arguing, 15 so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. 16 Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ’s return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless. 17 But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy. 18 Yes, you should rejoice, and I will share your joy.